His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He has the fingertips of a God
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