i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
