He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
