I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So vagazzling was a success
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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