dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
