Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
