im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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