you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
