Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
