I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
