She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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