bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
