Me too!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize