holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
