SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
