I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
