im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
