You smell like stripper and shame
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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