tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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