When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
