I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize