i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
