Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
