I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
