I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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