Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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