I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
