i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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