Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
