pedialite and red bull = repair kit
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
