if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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