Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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