I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need water and some morals
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
