I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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