Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
