I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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