I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
