Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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