i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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