Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
