Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
