that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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