Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
