Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
