at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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