Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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