Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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