Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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