I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
sarcasm needs its own font
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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