you would pick up someone in the library
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
