the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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