hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
