I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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