Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
