Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i drank out of a bidet.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
