i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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