You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
