i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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