You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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