# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
