she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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