do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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