Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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