im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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