our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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