We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
