were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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