went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just threw up on my dentist
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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