I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
