I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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