So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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