Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
