I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize