so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
