some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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