He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
