Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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