she's into porn, im staying here tonight
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
