she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
