So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
