I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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