Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
