my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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