dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
