He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
