we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
