I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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