no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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