The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
