community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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