you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
