I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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