Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
