Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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