I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
