She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
