I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
