so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize