I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
