just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
