Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Less talking, more tequila
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
