marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
