Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
