If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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