TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize