I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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