How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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