Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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