Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
