please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
