you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
