Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
