am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
